Hi Terra------I'm really nervous about the upcoming holidays and being around all my friends and relatives while trying to lose weight. Although they have good intentions (I think!), they constantly look over my shoulder and ask "should you be eating that?" It frustrates me to no end!!! I've tried not telling anyone when I'm back at Weight Watchers but I don't want to have to hide the new healthy lifestyle I'm trying to adopt. I just don't want to be treated like I am different than everyone else because I'm trying to lose weight. I know you've been managing this a long time and I thought you may have some advice for me.------ I'm really enjoying your meetings and am down almost 20 pounds so far!! Thanks for your help and I look forward to hearing from you.******************************First of all, let me say that I'm sorry for the delayed response! I have gotten way behind on answering emails from the blog because I've been swamped at work! I certainly have NOT forgotten anyone and I will get to all of them as soon as possible!!----------Oh my gosh, as for your concern, I think more of us can relate to what you are dealing with than you think! Believe me when I say-You're not alone on this one! It doesn't always stop, even after you get to your goal weight, but that's ok because we can learn how to handle it!! I have a couple of strong thoughts on the subject and I will say that my tune has changed quite a bit over the years. I used to become very offended or even more often, had my feelings hurt by well meaning outsiders who know I used to be overweight and take it upon themselves to watch what I'm eating for me and make comments! How nice of them, huh??? But here's what I've finally realized-just what you said in your email-their intentions are usually good and it's our decision whether or not to take it to heart and get upset. (By the way, if by the off chance, their intentions are NOT good-maybe stemming from jealousy or personal insecurity, that is completely THEIR issue to sort out, NOT yours.) Speaking for myself, I'm quite sensitive when it comes to the subject of weight but that doesn't mean that everyone else is, therefore when they ask questions or make comments, they most likely are not even giving it a second thought. They may just be trying to make conversation or take an interest in what we are doing but because our guard is up, we take offense. Just let it go and remember this is a PERSONAL journey that you don't have to share or justify with ANYONE. I'm to the point now that if someone says "Should YOU be eating that? What if your Weight Watcher people saw you eat that??" (as if I have some rare condition that will cause me to balloon up like Eddy Murphy did in the movie "Nutty Professor" if I eat too much at one time! Geez!) I actually delight in saying "YES, I sure can and my 'Weight Watcher people' know better than anyone that I eat what I like!!" and I leave it at that. I find this to be a much healthier response for me than my previous approach-- which was to go over and over in my head: "How dare she say that to me?? How rude! I don't ask her what she 'can' and 'can't' eat! Does she think I'm fat??" and drive myself crazy to the point of needing a snack to calm my nerves!!! No! No! Don't let ANYONE's opinion or words take you away from what you know is important to you. Just smile to yourself and let it go. Other people's reactions to your weight loss and healthy habits are a natural part of this process of change but that doesn't mean you have to internalize it or let it affect your behavior, mood or happiness.----Your doing a fabulous job of making positive changes in your life and dealing with other people's opinion of you is also something you can choose how to handle. With losing weight we can also gain the confidence to trust ourselves more and need the approval of others less. We can't change how other's act but we can chose whether or not to let it affect us. Enjoy your weight loss and thanks for the email!!!
Terra Ayres
Stone Tower Properties
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